Seriously UN-Employable

Not kidding, I received the following cover letter today:

COVER LETTER:
4/1/2006


Dear [hiring manager name]:

[If hiring manager name is unknown, use:]

Dear Hiring Manager:

I was interested to see your job posting on Monster for a [job title] and would like to learn more about this opportunity.

I am a [Current Job Title] with extensive experience [highlight a skill or area where you achieved measurable benefits] for [employer names]. I have [number of years] years of experience [provide high-level description of responsibilities in this role]. In this role, I [describe key responsibilities].

I feel that my [name skill(s)] would be an asset in this role.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to have the opportunity to discuss the opening with you in person.

Sincerely

[Name Redacted for his own Safety]